December 27, 2004

• Well, I've been back in the States for almost 2 weeks.  Nana (my grandma) is out of the hospital and now in a physical therapy rehab hospital to get back her strength.  She had some sort of heart failure but is doing better by the day.  She's hoping to come home sometime this week but we'll wait to see what the physical therapist has to say. 

  
  

  Honestly I don't know how to "feel" right now, I'm glad that Nana's doing better and that has given me alot of hope, however I do not want to fly back to Korea to leave her by herself.  Yes, she'll have tons of people around to help her in any small way but I guess I am struggling with a tinge of guilt of not being here.  I know my family would think that's crazy talk... but they're not me.  My mom has been here for 2 weeks as well, she's going back to NC to work tomorrow and will return Friday evening.  I will be staying down here to visit with Nana to make sure she's taken care of and not lonely.  I know that the grief will come soon enough.  Right now I keep hoping that this week does not fly by, I do not want to fly back to Korea like this.  I fly out next Wednesday.  At one point I didn't want to fly back at all (don't worry Drew, I'll be there, simmer).

  
  

  If that's not bad enough, there's only a 9.something earthquake that sends a tsunami into Thailand where half the boarding staff are for vacation...  Thankfully Drew and Virginia are safe (so that must mean the other RAs are as well... but I don't know about the dorm parents).  I know I should feel worried, but when I say I can't "feel", I don't feel numb but just a sense of shock from my grandfather's death that hasn't passed yet... so my prayers go out to the peoples in the afflicted counties.

  
  

  Even though I'm sitting on Nana and John's bed typing this out, I fully anticipate John to walk in and get ready to go to bed... so weird...  I try to think about the funeral, I didn't get to see John (he was already cremated), we had the internment and proceeded to the church for the eulogy.  I read Isaiah 61 and a passage from 1 John... then it was over (very fast).  I remember having said goodbye to him and having good closure (in person) in August and the various phone calls I made to him over the course of the semester.  What am I struggling with?  We'll see....  sorry to ramble, just needed to write to get my head clear. 

  
  

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  will

  • 8:44 pm
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